Feedback Culture
Feedback Culture
Why should you care about what other people think of you? Because other people can promote you, open doors, or help you grow in ways you can’t predict. Feedback can truly change how you work — and how you live — for the better. But when feedback comes without context, or as gossip, that’s not professional, and it shouldn’t matter to you. Let me explain.
Think of feedback like a shared memory — something you and another person experienced together. It might be good or bad, but it’s still yours. The good news is that this “memory” is just an impression someone has of you, and impressions can change over time. That’s why it’s worth tracking whether that impression improves.
To be clear: I’m not saying people will forget if you were rude or made a mistake. I’m saying that if you show, through your actions, that you’re improving your manners, communication, or technical skills, there’s a good chance that old feedback can fade into the past. Over time, consistent behavior builds trust with the person who gave you that feedback.
Feedback reflects who you were at a certain point in time. If you’re no longer that person, let that old feedback rest in peace.
Asking for Feedback
I make it a habit to ask for feedback from my peers and leadership every one or two months. This helps me understand how I’m doing: whether I’m meeting expectations, if people enjoy working with me, or if I’ve unknowingly disrespected someone. I’ve been doing this for over five years, and it’s given me countless insights on how to improve myself, help my team, and progress toward promotions. Some people are uncomfortable giving feedback at first, but after a few sessions, they open up more naturally.
These sessions usually start with me explaining why I requested the meeting and asking if the person feels comfortable giving me honest feedback — positive or negative — about my work or interactions. I also ask if I can share feedback in return. I like to write down what I plan to say — both the good and the bad — because context is crucial. Saying “you did that” isn’t helpful; it’s too vague and easily misinterpreted. Instead, I provide the full picture.
The point of this article is simple: feedback should be thoughtful. People go through stressful moments, and sometimes that stress shows up in their behavior. If you understand the context — what caused the stress — you can identify the real issue and strengthen your relationships instead of damaging them.
Sometimes, feedback without context is just a reflection of a stressful situation the person or team was experiencing. Maybe they didn’t have the time or mental space to think it through before saying it.
The Faces of Feedback
No one expects you to ask for feedback every two weeks. Most companies have formal performance reviews, where your manager shares feedback with you. But what about your colleagues — the people who work with you every day, even when your manager isn’t around? Their feedback is often the most valuable.
Every team member should seek feedback from peers they’ve worked closely with during the review period or outside it. That’s how you understand how others perceive your work and collaboration. If multiple people point out the same thing — for example, three teammates say you should improve your understanding of SOLID principles — that’s a clear signal. You can act on it by studying those concepts or practicing cleaner, simpler design patterns.
Consistent feedback sessions also build trust. As people grow more comfortable with you, they’ll share not just feedback about you, but also insights about the team and how things could improve. That’s incredibly valuable.
If you’re a Staff or Principal Engineer, that trust gives you influence to improve processes and culture. If you’re not yet in that position, this habit can make you a reference point for others — a teammate who listens, learns, and grows. Feedback is a powerful way to build trust.
Remember: in a feedback session, listen more than you talk. If someone says something that makes you angry, take a deep breath. Respond politely, clarify misunderstandings, and ask yourself, “Is this person right about this?” If the answer is yes, then it’s time to step outside your comfort zone — which is the hardest, but most valuable, part.
There’s nothing wrong with clarifying that a feedback point was based on a misunderstanding, or asking for more context: “When did that happen? In which meeting? What was the project’s state at that time?” Just be careful not to sound defensive or irritated. That kind of reaction will push your colleagues away.
If you’re a manager, feedback goes both ways. Don’t just give it — ask for it often. Receiving feedback as a leader builds stronger relationships and trust. Handling negative feedback with grace doesn’t just help you improve; it shows your team that you’re a grounded, empathetic leader and someone that they can see as a reference.
Managers should also investigate feedback. For example, if someone says “Joey was rude to Ross,” dig deeper. What caused it? Was there stress over a deadline? Did something happen in the team recently? Was there tension between them? Before making judgments, ask questions and understand the full context.
If it was a one-time reaction caused by stress, guide Joey on how to manage that better — not punish him. But if it’s recurring behavior, a tougher conversation and closer observation may be necessary. Observation helps leaders maintain a healthy feedback system and keep track of who’s thriving and who’s struggling.
The Importance of Context
Now that we understand the importance of feedback, let’s talk about its most essential ingredient: context.
Whenever you give or receive feedback, it must have context. That means:
A specific time period.
A clear story or situation.
The people involved.
If you’ve worked in an agile environment, this might sound familiar. In Scrum, each sprint has a plan, an execution period, and a retrospective — a built-in feedback loop. Feedback works the same way:
1
2
3
4
5
6
<<<<<<<<Period>>>>>>>
Plan -> Act -> Review
^ |
| |
|___________________|
The key difference is that, in feedback, you are the product being improved.
When giving feedback, always bring context to the table: when it happened, how it happened, and what was going on around it. You don’t need to remember every tiny detail — just enough to make it meaningful and actionable.
Example 1 – Code Review Feedback
❌ Bad feedback:
“This unit test sucks! Rewrite it.”
✅ Better feedback:
“Your unit test is testing the entire system instead of a single unit, which goes against our testing guidelines. Take a look at mytestdoc.company.com
Example 2 – Behavior Feedback
❌ Bad feedback:
“Joey, you were rude to me during the planning meeting last week.”
✅ Better feedback:
“Joey, during last week’s planning meeting, when we were discussing whether to use Realm or Core Data, I felt disrespected when you called my idea ‘pointless’ before I could finish explaining it. I’d appreciate it if next time you let me finish before giving your opinion. I think you’d feel the same way if I dismissed your ideas too quickly.”
This version shows empathy, describes the event clearly, and suggests improvement. But it`s not needed to provide suggestions, the person who received the feedback can suggest ways to improve the releationship between you.
Example 3 – Exaggerated Feedback
❌ Bad feedback:
“Ross, you always escalate our discussions to the manager.”
✅ Better feedback:
“Ross, in our recent discussions, I noticed you often bring issues directly to our manager instead of resolving them between us. I’d prefer if we tried to talk things out first before escalating.”
Here, the exaggeration (“always”) is replaced with specific, constructive language.
Final Thoughts
Giving and receiving feedback is never easy. It requires patience, empathy, and self-awareness. You need to listen more than you speak, understand the full picture, and remain calm under pressure.
But remember: feedback is a gift — an opportunity to grow. Without context, it loses its value. With it, feedback becomes one of the most powerful tools for continuous improvement — both personally and professionally.
Just like agile development, feedback is a continuous process. You refine, iterate, and improve — again and again — until you find your own way.